Broken Faith

the greater the pursuit

the greater scorn you will receive for failing

(that's why people treat you like garbage

when you seek God and find nothing)

it's a little too nippy

for justice

to roll down

like waters

right now

it's just freezing in the fountain

and bursting the pipes

everything is going to hell

with everyone who is going to heaven

people tell me to trust in God

but lean on their own understanding

when they judge me

(if they are going to use their faculties of critical thinking

when assessing me

that's enough of an endorsement

for me to use mine when assessing their faith)

I am such an abhorrant poisonous person

many people will only hang out with me when in groups

to have other people as a buffer

to contain my Satan-ness

(I am Satan's one way mirror

people see him in me

even though he hates me so)

when you are in extremis

you actually need God to act as he's sold as acting

but the superimposition of faith collapses before your eyes

into either unbelief or expectation

so you're left choosing between having no faith

and putting God to the test

(but when we expect something from God

it shows that we *do* have faith

not that we don't)

God tells me to love my enemies

and he comes by it honest

because he loves mine

God's people are a peep hole

you can see God's opinion of you through

belief is the rope that connects you to God

either side can let go at any time

(or the rope can snap)

dog spelled backwards

barks differently

quieter

but heard louder

by those with the reins

a god whistle

the spiritual fridge

with the ice machine

that pepper sprays

inner city

high school kids

the moment the Kavanaugh hearings crossed the wire

all the women risking everything

to call out his assaults on them

was the moment i finally lost hope

when the Christians said nothing

that's when i realized

God was something you created

and gave power to

not the other way around

God is sovereign

but just in case he's not

we've got all three branches of government

and most of the media

God's power helps you find your car keys

but man's power

kills 15 million people with the stroke of a pen

mixed-faith marriages are common

while mixed-class ones aren't

because what matters most is God's opinion of you

not your opinion of him

the universe presents itself as more naturalistic

the more neurodivergent you are

hope is clean

hopelessness is messy

Evangelical Christians, you have all three branches of government

and most of the media

all I have is my story

and somehow you are still afraid of it!

Christianity is birthed from a single megaphone

but dies in billions of individuals' whispers

Christianity is like an air conditioner

it is experienced differently

depending on which end you're on!

your brain needs to be a perfect ten

to make religion work inside of/for you

(busts out the miss brain USA ribbon)

(God judges people by the brain they

were born with the same way men

judge women by their faces and bodies)

YOU need a fountain in your brain

chemicals running over

to meet the cognitive tricks you play in the middle

so that you can sense God loving you

then you have to astroturf the bad things

and forgive the bad people

in your life

in an effort to make things make sense in hindsight

(of course romanticizing suffering is mainly done to

make those who suffer less [who generally have power]

comfortable with your suffering)

(forgiveness is just a cognitive trick you play to try to

get over a wrong while deferring to the person who wrongs

[who generally has power])

where God is once

the devil is twice

God draws the ears

God draws the nose

God draws the eyes

God draws the mouth

God draws the people that reward us

God draws the people that punish us

when you're mentally ill

God and the devil

are like wires of a bomb

and you never know where to cut

God is like a towel

you don't look for him

until you need him and he's not there

God is strange

because his absence is felt more acutely than his presence

man doesn't want God

man wants what God is made of

God and the devil grow in equal measure

the parasites grow with the host

I could believe God to be sovereign in the world the way it is

if I were given a brain liposuction

man is made for God

even as he's found to not be real by inquiry

like a GPS

that leads you off a dock

something unfalsifiable

can't be true

there is no failure condition

for God's tender care

God and the devil

switch cell phones

i hear a big voice

tell me to die

and the other one's laughing in the background

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